- A mother on the Cape Flats shares her struggle with her son’s decision to join a gang, which has placed their family in constant danger.
- Despite her love and support, she remains fearful for his life and helpless in the face of the violent threats that follow him.
- Her hope is for him to change his life, but for now, she finds strength in prayer and small moments of peace.
As a consequence of his circumstances as a young man growing up on the Cape Flats, he was forced to join a gang.
Beaten, robbed, targeted and shot at, he believed he had no other choice. But, this is not his story.
When she got ready for church that morning, all those years ago, she had no idea her life would change forever. On the run from a hit put on his life, it was the first time she realised her son had joined a gang.
“He met a close family friend at a restaurant and asked him to pray for him. He said he had to get a tattoo as a gangster,” she says. “They were not going to tell us, but that Sunday morning he had to go on the run. There was a hit on his life the friend told us after church that Sunday.”
A God-fearing home, this news rocked their lives.
“None of us have ever been involved in gangsterism,” she says. “I was shocked! Why did he choose this path? It is not a good feeling knowing your child has become a gangster. It felt like he had signed up to die.”
Although this was years ago, her son has not been able to stay at home since.
“They have not stopped. They were looking for him. They shot someone in a drive-by shooting in front of our house,” she says.
“I like to clean at night, and that night I heard several shots. At that moment, I thought ‘Oh, God. Please don’t tell me that is my son’.”
That feeling is one that repeats itself every time shots ring off. And on the Cape Flats, this is unfortunately very often.
Having gone to prison on extortion-related charges, she was happy that her son would be out of the line of fire, but when he was released the territory had completely changed, putting him right back in danger.
“He would be with me, but he was also not with me because he could not sleep at home anymore. They told me, they were going to kill him,” she says.
“He would sneak in to the house late at night or early in the morning, because he must stay alert. I would tell him to just come lay with me and he would sleep for a bit and I would know my son is safe for that moment.”
As a mother, knowing the path her son chose in life, it is a difficult road to travel.
“It is nerve-wreaking because just like him, I need to constantly look over my shoulder. My daughter went to the shop and someone told her that her brother must not be so visible, because the gang is going to rush our house,” she says. “I don’t understand why. I am not a gangster and my daughter is not a gangster. But, the target is on our house now too. I was someone who liked to keep my door open during the day, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t just talk to anyone anymore.”
Every time she hears another young man shot and killed, she is frozen in fear.
“I can’t even go out. I just look out of the window. They are constantly watching, they are constantly looking for him,” she says.
“I feel that the community treats us differently. They look at you differently.
“As a community worker before all this happened, I tried to help gangsters, but now I can’t do that anymore because look at where my son ended up.”
At this point, she breaks down in tears trying to describe the child she knows her son is. She walks with what seems to be the world on her shoulders.
“You can’t talk to people about this. People out there don’t know your heart, they don’t know what we are going through,” she says.
“This takes so much energy from you. His father was a pillar of strength. After he died, I needed to take this burden on alone. Sometimes I get so angry because why must I do this alone?”
It is common for mothers to ignore the ill-doing of their children. Or at least, this is the perception of those on the other side, but for this mother siding with your children when you know they are in the wrong is forcing them further into it, rather than helping them.
“If you say he did not do it, and you know for a fact that he did it, then you are pushing him further into gangsterism. Help him. Try to get him out because it is not a nice thing to see your child fleeing for his life,” she says.
“You love your child, you want to help him. But, to lie with your child is not the way.
“Sometimes my son would look at me and know I will not cover up for him.”
With several of the gangsters after her son having grown up in front of her, this is particularly difficult.
“I know them, and what is so scary, some of them were in my ministry. That hurts me. I never raised my child to be a gangster. I raised him in the church. As parents, we don’t send our children out there like that. It is their decisions that impact us,” she says. “Many are quick to judge, and they blame the parents for what their children do. We cannot blame parents for what their children decide.”
But, with all the torment she has had to endure in these last six years, she cannot shake the maternal urge to look after him.
“My biggest wish is for him to change his life. I want him to take the help. At this moment, it is too much.
“I can’t help my child. I can’t do anything for him,” the visibly heartbroken mother says.
“I asked him if he wanted to go out of the city, but he does not want to be far from me. Sometimes, I have to walk all over to see him, find him. At this point, I don’t talk anymore, all I can do is pray for him.”
