Having worked in the child abuse sector for the past 16 years, Rochelle Philander is no stranger to the horrors facing young women and girls in the Western Cape.
As the director of Safeline Child Abuse Treatment and Prevention Centre, Philander has a true passion for combatting abuse against all children aged 2 to 18.
“My very first exposure to child abuse was during my practical experience while completing my social work degree. We were placed at Red Cross children’s hospital, and it was then that the harsh reality of violence against children hit me,” she says.
“It is horrific to witness child victims of sexual abuse referred daily to an organisation like Safeline, yet I feel extremely blessed to be part of a team of ladies who strive to heal children emotionally who have been sexually abused. Over the years I have experienced many children complete their therapeutic programme and become true heroes as survivors of their trauma experienced, sadly I have also witnessed children who do not complete their programme due to many reasons.”
She adds that one of the most frustrating reasons for this is the mother’s financial dependency on the alleged perpetrator, which leads them to make decisions which are not in the best interest of their child.
“We do face the reality that we have many single headed homes in our communities, many women are sole providers for their families,” she says.
“The decision to bring their children for counselling versus being present at work is a challenging one and hence child victims are left to struggle through their trauma on their own.”
To parents, she says there are common signs that a child may be abused.
“Through my years I have met so many child victims and all presenting with the same behavioural challenges. Children who have been sexually molested present with aggression towards their family members and peers, decline in school performance, signs of depression, suicide thoughts, confusion with emotions and feelings, low self-esteem, building relationships with others become challenging,” she says.
“A child not given the chance for counselling and given the opportunity for healing and restoration leads to the vicious cycle or abuse within our communities. In many instances children develop inappropriate sexual behaviour and begin to touch other children inappropriately.”
This behaviour presents itself more and more in primary schools among very young learners, she says.
“The more I worked with this behaviour, the more I realised that our child protection circle was not ready for the vigorous intervention these children needed,” she says,
This was the driving force behind her 2018 Master’s Degree and her current doctoral studies.
“The management of children, younger than 12 years of age, who pose a risk to other children, remains complex and confusing. When their behaviour includes sexual aggression towards other children, ignorance about how to manage them becomes even more challenging,” she says.
“Society has an expectation that any sexual aggressor should be punished, however, when the aggressor is younger than 10 years old, different responses are necessary. I am first and foremost a mother before anything else. I have the most amazing responsibility to take care of three beautiful daughters,” she adds.
“Sometimes we get parenting right and sometimes we feel like we have it all wrong. So, I understand every woman’s anxiety, stress, joy and happiness in raising children. Society at present is filled with so much turmoil and heartache, the Covid-19 pandemic has not made anything easier, it has fuelled challenges faced within our communities.”
Philander says the experience of trauma has exploded across society.
“If there is something I have learnt through my own experience and that of other parents, then it is the following: we must be constantly aware of our children’s behaviour; we must remain mindfully present no matter how tired life makes us. You know your child, the minute you notice any changes in behaviour begin to ask questions, listen attentively when they talk, children always leave us clues about what could be happening,” she says.
“Then most importantly when you need to react. Please react, speak out and show your child that you are on their side, and you will move mountains and swim oceans to get the help they need.”
Philander continues that teaching children to tell is only valid if someone listens.
“I would give the same advice to all women, when services let you down, you speak out until you find the one person who will intervene in the right way,” she says.
“As women I do believe we carry an innate ability to be stronger than we ever imagined. One day you will discover that you were fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even you could hold yourself back because your passion burned brighter than your fears.
“I have learnt over the years that when ones’ mind is made up, this diminishes fear, knowing what must be done does away with fear.”
