Mfundo Totana is a 47-year-old father of two boys. Like many men in the city, he carries an invisible weight, one not often spoken about: the silent struggle with his mental health.
“I don’t always feel okay,” Totana admits, his voice steady but sincere. “But I’ve learned it’s better to say that out loud than to pretend everything is fine.”
June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, a time to break the silence and encourage open conversations around emotional well-being.
In a society that often tells men to be strong, to “man up”, or to hold it in, this month’s message is simple but powerful: “it’s okay not to be okay”.
For Totana, the struggle isn’t new. He has faced long spells of unemployment and the crushing pressure of trying to provide for his family while feeling emotionally drained. “People say, ‘Just get a job,’ but they don’t see how hard it is when your mind won’t settle. When the stress just piles up,” he says.
Like many others, he admits to bottling things up. “Sometimes I stay quiet because I don’t want to be seen as weak. But that silence hurts more than anything.”
This silent suffering is widespread. According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag), men are significantly less likely to seek help due to cultural stigma and expectations. “Men make up nearly 80% of suicide deaths in South Africa. They’re taught from a young age to hide their emotions and that’s costing lives.”
Mental health professional Yolanda Mhlakela, the 2024 Employee Assistance Practitioner (EAP) Practitioner of the Year, agrees. “We need to create safe spaces where men can express themselves without fear or shame,” she says. “Real strength lies in vulnerability. When men talk about their struggles, healing begins.”
She adds that recognising the signs, withdrawal, aggression, depression or substance use, is critical, not only for the men but also for those around them. “Families, partners, and friends need to notice the signs and ask the tough questions. Don’t assume he’s okay just because he’s silent.”
In communities like Hout Bay, help is coming from within. The local organisation Sakh’indoda , Men Who Inspire, launched in 2020, provides men with the emotional support they’ve long been denied. “Men are lonely, unemployed and silently breaking down,” says Loyiso Skoti, operations manager with Sakh’indoda. “Our monthly group sessions give men a place to be heard. No judgement. Just a brotherhood of healing.”
The group recently launched a Core Group Mentorship programme pairing 15 selected men with mentors to provide deeper support. They’ve seen measurable results: reduced suicide risk, lower reports of gender-based violence, and improved family relationships.
“These men are becoming leaders in their homes, communities, and churches,” says Skoti. “We’re restoring dignity in men, helping them become emotionally intelligent leaders.”
On Saturday 21 June, the organisation will host a Father’s Day Celebration and Men’s Conference with over 150 men expected. Topics include men’s health, financial management, and healthy relationships. It’s not just an event, it’s a statement of intent to build stronger men for stronger communities.
This June, Sadag is urging everyone to check in with the men in their lives. Sometimes a simple “How are you really doing?” can make all the difference.
“Talking about your feelings doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.”
And as for Totana, he’s not giving up. “Every day feels like a battle,” he admits. “But I try to keep going for my boys. They need me to be present, not just physically, but emotionally too.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, contact the Sadag 24-hour helpline at 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393 for assistance.
